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-Mr. MCR.-

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Dear Jessica, [16 Sep 2017|02:33pm]
Dear Jessica,
I know we aren't friends anymore, so I don't even know why I'm writing this. I wanted so much with you and now I've got nothing with you. We don't talk anymore. You don't even look at me. It makes me sad to think that after a year we don't even talk. We started off talking all night until you fell asleep. Now when you do talk to me, it's you saying something as you walk away from me. I hate it. I wish we never would have met and then I wouldn't be feeling like I do every time I think about you. I thought that after a year you would come around to me. Instead you don't even care. It doesn't even bother you that we don't talk. I might be over sensitive about you and I. But it's not like it matters, because you don't care. I hate it that we are not together. I would have loved you. Easily. I guess I was just attracted to you because after getting to know you, I've learned we have nothing in common. You don't like anything that I do and I have no idea what you like. You never shared anything with me. You never trusted me. You still don't trust me. We can't be friends if you're never going to trust me. I wish I never liked you. I wish I could take back all my thoughts about you. I wish I didn't work with you so I would never have to see you again. But just like life, you don't always get what you want. Thinking about you all the time kills me. I hate it. I just want you to leave my head. Just walk away from me like you've done and act like nothing has happened. I wish I could hate you. It would make it easier for me to move on and forget about you. I wish I could just forget about you. Seeing you talk to another guy bothers me. Why can't we talk to each other anymore? It's stupid and I hate it. I can't believe we talked for a whole year and now we don't. I don't know what happened or what I did. I blame myself because you're just like every other girl I've ever liked. And just like every girl you've walked out on me. Never to talk to me again. I wish we didn't have to see each other everyday. That's the only difference. All those other girls are gone from my life. Unfortunate for me, I still have you in my life. You're just there. You do nothing for me. I hate it. If I had known I never would have involved myself. I never would have let myself get attached. But because of who I am, I got feelings and my heart broke. I know you don't care, because why the fuck should you? It's not your problem. It would be easy to blame you for everything, but I know better. It's all my fault. I'm the dumbass who cared too much to begin with. Maybe next time, I won't. I could only hope that the next girl I meet likes me for who I am. I'm not going to change anything about myself. I am who I am and I care when I care. I've begun to realize that I like girls who are bad for me. Wrong for me. Who will treat me like shit and make me feel stupid for thinking about them and doing sweet things for them. I realize I might not be the best man in the world, but when I'm with a girl I try to be. I'm old enough to know that it sometimes just doesn't work out between two people. In this case, me and you. You could have at least tried. I miss talking to you and I miss you calling me "fool" and I miss seeing you smile and I miss looking into your eyes. There's so much I miss about you. I would have loved you and done anything for you. But life is and as it happens there's nothing for us. The only thing I can do now is move on and away from you. Stop thinking of you. Stop looking at you as you walk away. I hate this position we are in. I wish you cared more. You're still young, so there's plenty of time for you to find someone new who will take care of you and love you. I wish it could have been me. I wish you would have let me try. But you didn't. You kept me at a distance and now you've gone and pushed me out past the horizon. I don't see you ever calling me back. We aren't friends. We are just co-workers now. I hate it. I wanted so much more. If I had known a year ago that this is where we would end up I would have just let you go then. I wouldn't have bothered trying to get to know you. I wouldn't have cared about hanging out with you on our ten minute breaks. I used to look forward to that. Now all I have to look forward to is avoiding you. Making sure I don't see you. I don't want you to say anything to me anymore. I want to hate you because you broke my heart. Not that you tried to do that. It's just who you are and I tried to believe you were something else. I'm such a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter though. None of this does. This letter to you, your life, my life. It doesn't matter. We could never have been anything. There's nothing for us here. We're not even friends. I'm hurt over it but I guess I'll move on. I've no other choice. Good luck in your life, but you don't care about me. Nothing I've ever said got to you. You blocked me out from day one. I thought I could get to you eventually, but nope. You've kept me out and made sure to keep me out. You never shared anything with me. I wanted to love you but I was a damn fool. Now I hate you and I want you out of my life for good. It makes me sad but who gives a shit right? You don't. I've nothing to say anymore. I'm just going to be me. Stay out of my way and leave me alone. I don't like you anymore. I want to hate you so much for breaking my heart and casting me aside. You're wrong for me. You're not a nice person. I wish I knew that from the beginning.
1 Said to Me| Those who Listen

It's what you didn't say [24 Aug 2017|09:44pm]
We talked again tonight.
Now that I think about it,
I probably said too much.
But it lead me to see,
Exactly what you should mean to me.
I read right through you.
I dropped my pride.
You fortified your wall.
Against me?
I was being honest and putting myself out there.
You couldn't even give me the fucking decency
To just say yes to talk to one other,
If we don't talk after awhile.
I talked too damn much tonight,
All because you needed it.
But there was no way you were going to tell me.
Those who Listen

All I wanted [19 Aug 2017|03:08am]
All I ever wanted was to talk to you.
I wanted to get to know you. See you. Spend time with you.
It started off as 10 minutes.
Now we are down to 10 seconds...if I'm lucky.

I don't see where things went wrong.
Unless it was my own head that decided I was wrong.
It all started when reality struck.
And I figured out that you were no longer interested.

And now I think you never were.
Those who Listen

very angry [05 Aug 2017|12:53am]
wish i could do that. just whoever im talking to, just , not give a crap n be like, ya not even going to say anything in repsonse. ya i was talking to u just now, n sicne y'uve replied within the minute, now not gonna talk to you at all. im just gonna knock out. just withouth saying good night to u, just knock out. cuz why would i? wouldnt that mean i sort of like you in a way? if i say goodnight to you just to close out our night?
instead just leave. say nothing and leave. it's how you get ready for your next breath. hard as it may come, as deep as you can inhale, life
Those who Listen

That's all there is [26 Jun 2017|09:22pm]
That's all there is
Is nothing

You're currently reality
Is over
We all live now
In a desolate place

What would we look like

No because things die
But from my eyes
It is not like that now

im done
Those who Listen

[15 Jun 2017|10:58pm]
Her and me could never be,
because it's just not right
We could wait forever
and have nothing happen
and still we could call it a life
but it doesnt matter
we live alone
wit or wihtout people
and its all our faullt
we deserve to die
but we wont

Because I love her and it'll never happen between us. I will keep it to myself and she will eventually pass me by. Sure I made errors, but it aint shit I can tcorrect. Funny how in life, you becareful of what you want. Because right now I need an erase-her. You get it. An eraser. erase her. I need to correct erroers.
Those who Listen

[17 May 2017|12:00am]
I'm sad and I'm angry right now.
I met someone else but that went nowhere quickly.
Made me realize we weren't for each other.
Actually figured it out before the new girl.
We are just friends.

What's it matter to you
(who i talk to)
(who i see)
Those who Listen

She said to him [04 May 2017|03:44am]
She said he was worth being with.
That he respected her personality,
And was always polite when he spoke with her.
She noticed it in him,
And had to tell him what she thought.
He took her in.
Grabbed her because she saw all the right things.
He told her that he can't believe it's real,
And then asked her again and again if it was.
She said to him,
"Yes it is."
Those who Listen

I wrote in my notebook [04 Apr 2017|11:22pm]
Fuck writing
I wrote in my notebook
It's eleven pm and time to go to bed
but i'm going to shower instead
then knockout
to my dreams
where i cant be disturbed.
Those who Listen

I'm angry again [25 Mar 2017|04:37am]
I'm angry again, but I'm also really sad. I'm mad that the girl I like who just wants to be friends- is giving me mixed signals. I'm angry that she text me just to tell me shit, then say it doesn't matter, and then say goodbye.
I'm glad I had a nice time tonight. I kicked it with two old friends from long ago. 4 years, something like that. We had fun. Drank, played stupid games.
I'm sad that those girl's boyfriends were fucking lame. The one guy couldn't even play a fucking game with us. It was too stupid and he didn't want to because he came to drink. He was a fucking a prick.
Then the other girl's b/f showed up all rude in his car. Waited 5 seconds, realized his g/f was drunk, got out of the car and the first thing he says is, "and I have to open the door for you?" then opens the passenger door as if it was so god damn inconvenient to do for his fucking girl friend.

I am sad. Is this what girl's want? Some asshole? Holy fuck, I would treat them better than that and I'm just a friend. I am fucking angry I tell you. It's not fair.
Those who Listen

Listen to foreign shit [21 Mar 2017|11:52pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I'm very angry right now.
My pandora is listening to foreign shit right now. Vai Saber.
I suppose I will know. or figure it out. Or do something.

I like a girl who wants to be friends with me. I think now I am starting to realize that. I feel this could be detrimental to our friendship.

There's more foreign music now. Dom La Nena. "Ela." I don't know what she's saying. I like the sounds of the instruments. I like the tempo. The violins. Her voice. Whatever she's saying. Just keep talking to me.

That's how this new girl is. I just want her to talk to me. For however long. --so far she makes me mad. she makes me feel bad sometimes. and to be honest, i dont think she trusts me. she has very little faith in me. i feel that alot from her. i feel like her and i could be friends for a long time, but that would mean she would have to trust me. a lot could happen in the next 6 months from now. she could get closer or be farther from me than ever. i like to think that it's up to me, but nope. it's all her. she's more closed than i am. what if i decide that I don't want to?

Back to classical music. Please. I'm angry.

Those who Listen

I feel very bad [03 Mar 2017|12:41am]
I feel very bad about myself right now. I cursed myself out about an hour ago. I'm just a piece of shit. There's nothing in this world. Nothing for me. None of it matters. I dont understand anything. I dont see a point. What is the point? I'm so tired and because of what? Nothing? Yes! I've managed to live doing nothing. My friends dont call me. I have one friend , who I am sure will end up hating me before the end of the year. Why wouldn't she? Why would she like me? If she really does...What could I do for her? Why do I like her? Do i?

We could just be friends. Are we? Is that it? Is there something more? Maybe not. How should I know? I can barely read you.
Those who Listen

Whoa, I was gonna [24 Feb 2017|12:24am]
I was going to write tonight, but I saw my last post I made. I forgot I made that. Then after seeing that I made another discovery. Shortly after that, I made another startling discovery. I literally said, "O h M y G od." Needless to say I am perplexed. I'm very tired at this moment. I suppose I'll write stuff down tomorrow in my notebook.
Those who Listen

Hat Backwards [19 Feb 2017|05:28am]
I used to wear my hat backwards.
I was young, naive, and only nineteen.
I was twenty five years old,------------------------------

To Jessica Guerrero,
It is possible that you may never see this. You may never read these words. Although, if I am sure, there's a good chance that you could read all of this. Given that I'm crazy about you, you could very well come to read all of this.
You asked about my book. My notebook. Asked if you could read it. I became defensive and felt you were being a little intrusive. I can only say why. I used to think it would be awesome if a girl would be interested in what I wrote, but I know what's written in my book. If you read anything of it this soon, I am sure you would not like me. I only say like because I have no idea if you do. I think you do, but if I had to guess I'd say no. I mean, I'd say you weren't interested in me that way.
I am not in a very good mood at this moment. I 'm a low person right now. My confidence is low, more than usual. I've never felt this way.
1 Said to Me| Those who Listen

Nothing. [15 Feb 2017|10:53pm]
I really have nothing. I spent all my money. It was really all gone before I knew it.
I listened to a song and it told me that I should otherwise, consider mine own chances with the world of today. There was no significance as to when the song was made and the exact time I was living in, so consider that shit out of your own mind. The fact that that could even be brought up as I start mine own shit, aggravates me. I'm to no end at this sight, as I stare at you. But I digress, back to the nothing I was saying. I was saying shit. spell it out. s, h, i , t.

Life is shit. Hearing what my mom said, the way she put it, it's not that stupid, but at first glance, fuck yes, it is. That was my first response. Yes that it is crazy. It doesn't make sense. There could be no answer.
Spent the first part of mine own life mad sad n depressed. I'm okay now, I"m about half way. Shouldn't she get to choose how the end of her life goes?
You spent the whole part of life for this kid.
Making sure they didn't kill them self.
Now that your life is at the end,
You should have a choice.
For I have the insight now, because of you, now.
Those who Listen

Ugly drinker [13 Dec 2016|11:40pm]
Hey, that's me!
A guy drinking,
Beer in hand, or a glass of ice topped with liquor.
Pen in my hand now, writing down words,
As fast as I can my drinks,
But I don't drink fast.
I never have.
I take my time,
I plan to have more than just one, or two or three too many.

My time has to be spaced out.

Those who Listen

"Six Full Pages" [02 Nov 2016|05:37pm]
"Six Full Pages" #7

Six pages.
All of them are dedicated to you.
A full range of emotions.
From day to night.
Dating from the 1st to the last.
Some are written hurried.
Thoughts diverting.
Lines that don't get written down.
A subject lost.
Some are clearly written.
Lines are made to be perfect.
Beautiful subjects.
Sad endings.
Poetry from the heart.
Six pages are fully written.
Describing how you make me feel.
Super happy to let down, and back again.
From the moment I wake to the dreams you evoke.
Day one when we met to the last that hasn't passed yet.
Words that I scrambled to look for.
Different things to think about.
Sentences that didn't manifest themselves.
Story left untold.
Expressions clearly noted.
Only one thought in mind.
A definitive way of writing.
Sincere and heartfelt.
A hopeless romantic meeting his end.
Poetry from his head.
-Matthew C. Romo-
Those who Listen

"Hopeless Romanticizing" [13 Oct 2016|09:29pm]
"Hopeless Romanticizing"

I want to give you a hug and tell you I miss you.
I want to say your name,
And maybe I'll kiss you, on the cheek.
It's been too long since I've got to be sweet to you.
This romantic gesture has built itself up since you've been gone.
The way I feel is still the same as the day I first heard your voice in my ears.
The day I saw your genuine smile,
I knew I would love you.
You treated me with respect
And you were honest with me.
You were interested in me,
And then you were honest with yourself.
We were both thinking like we were sixteen,
It was all so exciting,
But reality set in.
As much as I want to stay with you,
And talk to you and be with you,
We have to let each other go.
I want you to know that I'll always be there for you.
I want to say to you that I will always care.
I want to give you a big hug and tell you I miss you.
-Matthew C. Romo-
Those who Listen

Something to say [11 Oct 2016|09:36pm]
If there was something to say,
Would you say it?
If you felt the way I did would you let her know?

I find myself staring straight into your eyes,
And when I see you look back I look away,
Because whatever is alive between us cannot be.

We are made to live the life between us,
And to keep it alive,
Because whatever is alive between us is ours only.

I would say,
I don't talk much about destiny.
Those who Listen

To that girl, Yesenia [18 Sep 2016|06:03am]
[ mood | sad ]

I have never met her, yet I adore her. She's made the most of my days for the past 2 weeks. When I hear her voice, I want to sigh and listen to her speak; and I want to hear her speak on and on. She is wonderful to me and I like her and think of her alot and I wish she would keep talking to me.
I suppose she does. She does still text me to say hello. But I want more than that. I don't see how I could ever be anything than her friend, but if this is what it has to be, then so be it. I wouldn't trade anything for anything more than I what I have with her now. She makes me smile. She makes me feel happy and brave. I feel inspired by her to do something I haven't done. I want to get my license. I want to be like her. I wish I could be with her, but that'll never happen. The most I'll get is her friendship, which I will take for granted, because I will be ungrateful and undeserving of her love. She deserves someone great, someone willing to do what she demands, what she likes, what she inspires.
Yesenia, you inspire me; and although, I've yet the words to really say, I find myself clenching my heart, and hoping it would fill so that I would know that I love you for reals.

You've become everything to me. I don't want you to become less, ever. You have to be her for me. Why wouldn't you be?


p.s. I know

Those who Listen

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